Explaining death – using the right language

 

When someone close to you or your young person dies, finding the right words to tell a child or young person what has happened. One thing we advocate at Nelson’s Journey is an open and honest approach with children and young people. Being honest about what has happened, how the person died, and what will be occur with the funeral and the future, is the best thing to do.

 

The best way to do this is to make sure to use language they will understand. In our experience, language that tries to soften the information you’re trying to share can often cause confusion and anxiety for the child or young person. If you use language that they will understand, at an age appropriate level, this will support them to be able to make the most sense of the information and process their feelings.

 

It is best to avoid using words such as:

‘Lost’ as the child may think the person can be found

‘They’ve gone to Sleep’ as this may leave children fearful of going to sleep and never waking up

‘Gone on a Journey’ as this may imply that the person may come back or the child may be scared to go on holiday

 

Children benefit much more by hearing things such as “died”, “their body stopped working” and “when someone has died, they can never come back”. This may seem insensitive but will give them greater understanding of the situation and make them better equipped to cope with it. It’s also a way to help increase their vocabulary by introducing these words.

 

By using clear and factual language you’re also helping to build trust and allow the child or young person to know you’re being honest and will share information with them if they ask.

 

If you need further guidance on explaining death to a young person and the language to use, please contact Nelson’s Journey’s Support Line on 01603 431788.